Mom knew dad had growing up to do but she never tried to control him like his mother did. She also didn't want to be controlled by him. She just wanted to be equal. Sex was fun but she married him and wanted it time be about love...not power & control. She was gang raped when she was 9 years old. And raped several more times growing up. No one ever got in trouble. Things were kept hush hush back then. She even says sometimes she feels she gained is much weight so guys wouldn't be attracted to her so she could feel safe.
This was my parents story. Growing up sex wasn't discussed not much except that I should be careful. Dad gave me the birds and bees talk which was moms job.
I dreamed of falling in love and having sex because of love. Then everything changed when they told me his darkest fantasies at the age of nine. In some ways, I was violated. Too young to be OK.
I heard things from men about what they wanted in a woman. Dad said the most beautiful thing in a woman is giving him full access to have sex with her anytime he wanted. So I told myself I'd always be willing to have sex. I heard a guy say he didn't like virgins so I wanted to be experienced.
I had an ex who cheated on me with this black, skanky meth head and he said he wished I was more like her. That she was confident.
My dad left my mom over his sexual desires, my ex cheated on me with some low life over his sexual desires. He told me women all have sex the same way & I was too selfish in bed. Brandon told me that women can't handle a man or stay present enough to handle a man.
Apparently I was just like all the other girls, disposable.
I wanted to fall in love. I wanted romance. I wanted sex to mean something. I didn't want it to be about just getting off. But I got everything so twisted up.
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