Spirituality
I prayed this morning. I did abundance spellwork through out the day.
Health
Didn't eat cinnamon roll. Didn't eat too much for lunch. Stretched a little. Took a pot edible. I am writing out life purpose plan and learning to watch myself for everything. Creating a perfect system for myself.
Finances
Continued to use credit card. Came up with the beginnings of a plan to consolidate my debt. Used credit card to get gas. Made promise to myself that I would cut back spending and come up with a plan to consolidate my debt. I'm grateful to my finances for guiding me to seek abundance in all things and to stay aware of my truth. My truth is that I helped create and manifest every single thing that is in my life now. That's truly beautiful and something to celebrate. Without learning about spirituality - I never would've healed my health. But without my health, I never would've had the courage to make that jump into the unknown. Now I see that change is unavoidable and because of that - it requires an upgraded me.
If I want upgraded finances, I have to be an upgraded person. I learned that from my health problems. This has more of a root chakra vibe to it. I am learning about my roots now. I've travelled down the chakras to the final opening.
Business
I worked with Cesar today to make money. I used my beauty to cheer him up. Gave him some loving advice since we are going to be work partners now. He seemed to hear it well and he said thank-you for the advice. I am excited to work with Cesar more! Owning my own business would be a really big deal. It could help me a lot in learning how to run my own art business. All in all, I'm really grateful. Sometimes the lack of money scares me but I really believe in what we're doing. I think Cesar and I are a great team and right now I've got to bring that motivation to keep moving. I have to continue to believe in what I'm doing and why I am doing it. With purpose comes motivation. So long as I always put purpose at the front of my mind, I will be ok. Helping Cesar succeed would be the one thing in life that would really make my heart happy. Maybe it doesn't change the whole world but he deserves a break. Something truly better. I believe in him and his abilities to succeed. I'm thankful to have a true friend in Cesar. He means a lot to me and I need to always remember that as well. I need to do some energy clearing for him. He needs some saging done. I think that I will begin saging myself more as well. I have wondered if I'm brought with Cesar to help clear out bad energies. Kind of like someone clearing a house of ghosts except I REALLY clear it. Like a good clean sweep. Similar to what I did at Colliers. May that land forever be free.
My art business is at a standstill after all those shows. I'm wanting to create a real plan for the business. What am I trying to do really as an artist. Did I ever actually want that to be my profession? It was about it being of the heart. I'm not trying to sell artwork. I'm wanting to live as an artist. I know that makes little sense to some people. But for me it's the only way I'll be able to play my music right. My art comes from the heart so it must be felt from the heart. The struggles I've come across is this is a MUCH more authentic way of living an requires a lot of deep digging. It ain't for the faint of heart. Just because it's my passion and how I want to live my life doesn't mean the struggle ends or I magically because someone other than Ellie.
I am still me. Artist lifestyle or not. I was always an artist and now I am free. I'm grateful for coming out as nonbinary right when I became an artist. That was really genuine and brave of me. It took courage for me to make that realization. I'm so thankful there were people there to tell me that it's totally ok wherever your journey takes you. It's your journey. This fit perfectly with how I wanted to live as an artist.
I wanted time and life to explore as an artist. To watch the trees change color and write sonnetts about it. I used to think that part of my nature that just wants to slow down and smell the roses in the midst of a busy day was a lazy or selfish person. Truth is, I am a nonbinary artist...I've chosen that title for myself. Having the courage to choose a profession and a title, knowing it could change or be wrong is brave. We are so afraid to be ourselves lest anyone try to hurt us. But I'm an open book most days. Or atleast I want to be.
I'm more afraid now that I've experienced some of those negative things from just being authentically me. I thought my authentic self was perfect. That I'd transform into this child of god who always chooses the pure path. But my authentic self is very, very human. Just as I was always afraid of. I believed all humans were flawed. The only time I heard people speak of human nature was after something wrong happened. It's interesting that our flaws are what show our humanity. It's what somehow connects us all and creates empathy amongst one another. It isn't always empathy but it can be. I really believed magic would save my life. But it was one divorced from this world. It's sad really because that world was only real in my own mind.
I spent many years in my own mind. It was a beautiful place I created. I thought I'd share that place with the world. A safer place than most. I wanted it to be a place of healing and love. I was a gentle spirit for such a long time. I kinda knew the world would eat me whole. I knew that I'd insolated myself from such a sickening place. There's not much love on this planet and so many people are hungry for it. It's begun to infect me too. It's hard not to be infected by the hatred when it's around you all the time, screaming in your ear. I didn't deserve to be shit on. I was innocent. I wasn't so innocent then, though. My connections to Tristan drove me. My humanity. But humanity so often doesn't understand the psychic levels of reality. I am a unique human who feels into the realities of others. Just because there are others like me doesn't mean they are as psychic as I am.
Relationships
spoke with cesar about moving out. I saw finally that was a way of showing love for someone. It's not that I didn't care it's just I thought love was letting someone have their beliefs for the longest time. I spoke with Jaysen today and Gabriella and Tristan.
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