I've spent a lot of my life not feeling good enough. I can get fixated on my flaws. At times, I'd let other people treat me like I'm disposable. You know, give until I can't anymore and hope that they'll give back to me. Remain loyal and open hearted but not receive the same in return.
A character defect of mine is perfectionism. It disguises itself in self-help & progress. But sometimes it's just me not thinking I'm enough the way I am.
I had a near death experience once. It caused me to realize the gift of every breath. That the next one isn't promised. I don't want to waste my time trying to change myself when in the moment, I just want to remember who I am right now.
When I accept myself as I am, not just out of obligation, but out of love. I can see that I'm a snapshot in time of something precious to me. So many of us feel like we wished we could've been kids longer & known how to appreciate it. But didn't we want to be grown up then?
Maybe the lesson is to appreciate who you are right now. To truly slow down and smell the roses. I want to leave my lover. Not an actual person...but the harmful belief that I am not enough the way that I am.
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