11/29/21

 Spirituality 

I prayed this morning. I did abundance spellwork through out the day. 

Health 

Didn't eat cinnamon roll. Didn't eat too much for lunch. Stretched a little. Took a pot edible. I am writing out life purpose plan and learning to watch myself for everything. Creating a perfect system for myself. 

Finances

Continued to use credit card. Came up with the beginnings of a plan to consolidate my debt. Used credit card to get gas. Made promise to myself that I would cut back spending and come up with a plan to consolidate my debt. I'm grateful to my finances for guiding me to seek abundance in all things and to stay aware of my truth. My truth is that I helped create and manifest every single thing that is in my life now. That's truly beautiful and something to celebrate. Without learning about spirituality - I never would've healed my health. But without my health, I never would've had the courage to make that jump into the unknown. Now I see that change is unavoidable and because of that - it requires an upgraded me. 

If I want upgraded finances, I have to be an upgraded person. I learned that from my health problems. This has more of a root chakra vibe to it. I am learning about my roots now. I've travelled down the  chakras to the final opening. 

Business

I worked with Cesar today to make money. I used my beauty to cheer him up. Gave him some loving advice since we are going to be work partners now. He seemed to hear it well and he said thank-you for the advice. I am excited to work with Cesar more! Owning my own business would be a really big deal. It could help me a lot in learning how to run my own art business. All in all, I'm really grateful. Sometimes the lack of money scares me but I really believe in what we're doing. I think Cesar and I are a great team and right now I've got to bring that motivation to keep moving. I have to continue to believe in what I'm doing and why I am doing it. With purpose comes motivation. So long as I always put purpose at the front of my mind, I will be ok. Helping Cesar succeed would be the one thing in life that would really make my heart happy. Maybe it doesn't change the whole world but he deserves a break. Something truly better. I believe in him and his abilities to succeed. I'm thankful to have a true friend in Cesar. He means a lot to me and I need to always remember that as well. I need to do some energy clearing for him. He needs some saging done. I think that I will begin saging myself more as well. I have wondered if I'm brought with Cesar to help clear out bad energies. Kind of like someone clearing a house of ghosts except I REALLY clear it. Like a good clean sweep. Similar to what I did at Colliers. May that land forever be free. 

My art business is at a standstill after all those shows. I'm wanting to create a real plan for the business. What am I trying to do really as an artist. Did I ever actually want that to be my profession? It was about it being of the heart. I'm not trying to sell artwork. I'm wanting to live as an artist. I know that makes little sense to some people. But for me it's the only way I'll be able to play my music right. My art comes from the heart so it must be felt from the heart. The struggles I've come across is this is a MUCH more authentic way of living an requires a lot of deep digging. It ain't for the faint of heart. Just because it's my passion and how I want to live my life doesn't mean the struggle ends or I magically because someone other than Ellie. 

I am still me. Artist lifestyle or not. I was always an artist and now I am free. I'm grateful for coming out as nonbinary right when I became an artist. That was really genuine and brave of me. It took courage for me to make that realization. I'm so thankful there were people there to tell me that it's totally ok wherever your journey takes you. It's your journey. This fit perfectly with how I wanted to live as an artist.

I wanted time and life to explore as an artist. To watch the trees change color and write sonnetts about it. I used to think that part of my nature that just wants to slow down and smell the roses in the midst of a busy day was a lazy or selfish person. Truth is, I am a nonbinary artist...I've chosen that title for myself. Having the courage to choose a profession and a title, knowing it could change or be wrong is brave. We are so afraid to be ourselves lest anyone try to hurt us. But I'm an open book most days. Or atleast I want to be. 

I'm more afraid now that I've experienced some of those negative things from just being authentically me. I thought my authentic self was perfect. That I'd transform into this child of god who always chooses the pure path. But my authentic self is very, very human. Just as I was always afraid of. I believed all humans were flawed. The only time I heard people speak of human nature was after something wrong happened. It's interesting that our flaws are what show our humanity. It's what somehow connects us all and creates empathy amongst one another. It isn't always empathy but it can be. I really believed magic would save my life. But it was one divorced from this world. It's sad really because that world was only real in my own mind. 

I spent many years in my own mind. It was a beautiful place I created. I thought I'd share that place with the world. A safer place than most. I wanted it to be a place of healing and love. I was a gentle spirit for such a long time. I kinda knew the world would eat me whole. I knew that I'd insolated myself from such a sickening place. There's not much love on this planet and so many people are hungry for it. It's begun to infect me too. It's hard not to be infected by the hatred when it's around you all the time, screaming in your ear. I didn't deserve to be shit on. I was innocent. I wasn't so innocent then, though. My connections to Tristan drove me. My humanity. But humanity so often doesn't understand the psychic levels of reality. I am a unique human who feels into the realities of others. Just because there are others like me doesn't mean they are as psychic as I am. 

Relationships

spoke with cesar about moving out. I saw finally that was a way of showing love for someone. It's not that I didn't care it's just I thought love was letting someone have their beliefs for the longest time. I spoke with Jaysen today and Gabriella and Tristan. 

Life Purpose Plan

 Spirituality 

• Meditation

Introspective writing. Journaling. Talking with friends or therapist about important issues. Connecting with higher power through prayer or meditation

• Spellwork

Monthly to weekly spellwork which aligns with the moon cycles. Cleansing rituals. Abundance and manifestation spells. 

• Reading 

Reading new spiritual or spellwork related materials 

Health

• Diet

Adding in nutritious foods to diet. Cutting out processed sugars and fats. Adding in organic foods and organs. Learning to cook and grow my own food and herbs. Adding back in herbs into my diet. Cleansing times of fast. Drinking plenty of water. Cutting out sodas and other addictive drinks. Cutting out too much caffeine. 

• Excercise

Getting into a continous yoga routine. monthly to week dance and let it all out sessions. Strengthening my core. Begin a running routine. Learn martial arts or some other form of self defense. 

• Sex

Making sure to check in with myself emotionally to make sure I'm respecting my boundaries and truly fulfilled. Using spellwork to unlock and heal but also to manifest abundance. Working with partner on heart opening experiences. Making sure to get check ups and be safe. Get more vaginal herbs 

• Mental Health

Have someone you can rely on to discuss important issues going on. Make checkups with psychiatrist and make sure the meds you are currently on are working for you. Discuss cannabis usage. Be sure to check in with self and not judge for good or bad emotions. Be my own friend and be supportive of myself. 

Finances 

• Debt consolidation

Come up with a plan to consolidate debt. Stop over spending and create a budget for extra expenses. Come up with a plan to make more money. 

• Taxes

Continue considering being a business partner with Cesar and getting a business license for the painting and repair jobs. This is how I can file my taxes. Keep track of Wild Athena receipts just in case I need to file taxes on it. 

• Budget 

Come up with a new budget plan and check in monthly for what will be needed. Write it out. Find a method of sticking to budget and ways to work harder but make a little extra money if needed. 

Business

• Wild Athena Art

Create a business plan for moving forward and what my end game goal is currently. That way I can always be working towards it. Create monthly goals for myself. Have a goal for each year. Project success charts and what they will look like. 

Make sure that all supplies are always available and add that into the businesses budget. Create a budget for WAA. Decide if I should link all accounts to Lance bank account. Continue coming up with creative ideas for business. 

Home

• Chores

Laundry

Dishes

Sweeping

Bathroom

Organizing

Helping mom keep house in order 

• Family meetings 

Re-establish family meetings. Keep a journal to record what will need to be discussed. 

Relationships

• Jaysen
• Mom
• Dad
• Brother
• Emily
• Alli
• Ally
• Cesar
• Gabriella
• Barbara
• Tristan
• JP
• Michael
• Caleb 

Have I contacted recently? 

Do we have plans?

Are we growing together? Are there any lessons or challenges I need to face? How do I want my circle to look? Am I reaching out or am I isolating? Gone to any group gatherings recently? Connected outside of my circle recently? Been of service lately? 

Adventures

This is for my travel dreams 

faeries for lost children

When a child is neglected, the universe cannot stand this. So it sends it's faeries, children spirits and kindest energies to them. They often become clairvoyant children with a lot of creative potential. Much is gifted from the universe to the lost child for so little has been given in 3D life. They will find themselves naturally drawn to other clairvoyant children. But ultimately it is still up to the magical child to make their own path. They can still slip into the darkness if they choose to, though the universe will do everything in it's power to stop it. They must be careful with other clairvoyant children because often there is a power struggle still at play and toxic relationships can form. 

Finding other children who are purposefully staying in the light with their Fae friends is important. Too much time in that darkness will extinguish the lost child's potential which is gifted to them from the universe. 

dads reading

6 of cups 

Cycle that keeps repeating 

The path, 

A lot of delays and it taking longer than you expected or wanted. 

Masculine 5 of swords that represents a possibly external conflict. 

Inverted masculine 7 of swords, a threatening energy, a deceiving energy. Deception is at the root. Someone else deceiving someone else. 

Roots - 

Be aware of that as part of the process.

1 of wands - dealing with something, taking action. Your biggest enemy is stagnation. 

The king of cups, with lion on the chain. You taking action and fighting against the deception. The chain means you don't over do. Self control. 

The hermit, you need a time to pull away and like the hermit you will find new perspectives once you've done the work of the hermit you come out shining stronger. 

Inverted death - change, coexisting with the hermit. To be able to achieve the transformation that you need, you have to do the work with the hermit. 

Future- 

Inverted hang man, seeing things from a different perspective. 

In the future, you have a feeling of knowing where you are standing on quick sand or hard earth. Depending on the work you do with hermit will determine how that turns out. 

The overall theme right now is delays, patience. Don't give up before the work is done or before the miracle happens. Finish the book, do the hermit work. Keep moving. 

note to self

Make a map of your brain. Artist. 

Goth/Matrix night

It was the best and most impactful night of my life!!! 

The night before I got into a really bad fight with Gabriella and it left me feeling really insecure. I was already feeling insecure about my gender and who I am but she made me feel like shit for being more masc. 

It was a horrible night. But i knew something huge was coming, that when i went to the club last night i was going to meet my "white rabbit"...like from the matrix. The matrix is actually an allegory for the trans experience and the awakening which happens. 

Anyway, mom and I went out shopping yesterday because she felt bad for me and I got this flowing dress that really showed off my cleavage. I felt hot in it and with my short blonde hair, it was my MOOD. it was perfect. 

I got complimented so many times on my dress and my hair...so many times. It's what I needed. And everytime someone misgendered me, I corrected them. "No, I'm a trans man and these are my pronouns. I'm just a very girly man." And they'd just hug me and be so accepting of me. 

I danced all over the dance for in a way i never had. It's like this dream we always had of going to the club together and dancing and forgetting all of our problems and not caring what people thing and just letting all the negative things wash away into the ground with every movement. It was like a movie, what I'd always wanted to experience. I even danced with other people I didn't know which usually I'm too shy to do. This one guy whose really a good dancer was having so much fun with me and he thanked me for dancing with him!! I didn't think my body could take it. I'm sure you were there because I'd been feeling this moment come for so many years, it was my dream to feel this way. Completely me...trans and beautiful. Then, one of the djs brought me to meet her trans/nonbinary friend who was tucked away at the corner of the club. I felt like I was meeting someone really special and she said, "Meet Bunni." I'd met my white rabbit. Bunni had a white rimmed had on and looked so fucking magical. I was blown away by them. We talked for a long time about the trans experiences and they told me about ways to have a passport as an ID & how to travel by plane without getting strip searched.

I did my hair this way to match Switch from the Matrix who is trans. 

And two days before I wrote in my journal, "transrevolution". That's what I feel I am a part of. That night there was a very tall trans woman and she a bit older. She seemed shy because physically she still looked very manly. I immediately became her best friend and we danced all night and talked. She told me about her love who lives in Denver and it was really amazing. Then, right as the night was ending. There was this gay guy who came over to me and was just going into detail about how much he loved my hair. But he kept misgendering me so I told him I was a trans man. 

Then it lead into a half hour talk of how he'd always thought he was a trans woman but never felt safe to admit it to him and lives with a very conservative family. He talked about how depressed he's been because of it. He said I was the first person he ever admitted this to and it just changed his life. We got each others social media accounts and I'm going to keep checking in with him. 

I gave him resources to help him but I'm so proud of him!! 

I told him that's why I'm so fucking flamboyant about it. Because I want to support those who are afraid. 

Pronouns & punching up vs. punching down humor

It’s up to allies, and cisgender allies in particular, to learn to start respecting the pronouns we’re asked to use. If someone tells you they use they/them pronouns, you should practice referring to that person as “them,” because that’s what they asked you to do. If someone you’ve known your whole life as a “she” suddenly starts asking you to refer to them as “he,” you make an effort, and do so. You will almost certainly make mistakes. That’s understandable. Apologize and move on. But being an ally means putting your own comfort second.

Why Stating Pronouns is Important

         Trans, non-binary, and other gender non-conforming groups have introduced cisgender people to the practice of stating pronouns during introductions. For someone who has never had to question their pronouns, it’s not always a routine thing to do, and often we need reminding to do it. This just means when you meet someone new, you say something along the lines of “Hi, my name is Gena and I use she/her pronouns.”

         For people who are cisgender, this might sometimes feel like stating the obvious. But here’s why it’s important: It’s not for you. And sometimes, it’s important to put cis-privilege to use in some way that actually contributes to equality, instead of overpowering the conversation. So even if introducing the habit of adding pronouns to your “Hello my name is” routine is a little awkward at the beginning, that’s okay. You’ll get used to it. Eventually, normalizing using pronouns every day will make it so that when people who are not cisgender use them, they don’t “stick out” as much.  

What this means is if there is a group of ten people introducing themselves, and only one of those people states personal pronouns in their introduction, that person sticks out a bit, inadvertently being spotlighted. They want their pronouns respected, but that doesn’t mean it needs to be obvious to everyone in the room that they are not cisgender. However,  if everyone in that room says their pronouns in the introduction, that one person blends right in, and doesn’t need to be isolated.

It’s worth noting though, that some people don’t feel comfortable stating their gender pronouns publicly, and just because you state yours it does not entitle you to everyone else’s. Usually, asking is okay! But if you’re concerned about outing someone, do so in a private environment when possible.

Some people’s internal identity might not exactly match their external presentation (as you perceive it). However, being referred to as the pronoun they feel most comfortable with can go a long way to improving their day, and does very little to inconvenience yours. Plus, it might increase their respect for you, and maybe even their quality of life a bit. When you use someone’s preferred pronouns, you’re acknowledging that you have respect for who they are as a human being. So, if you see someone’s social media has “they/them” on it, you know how to refer to them. It goes beyond “Hi my name is…”. There are lots of other places that we can normalize pasting our pronouns in so that people who don’t identify within traditional binary gender norms don’t have to stick out.

 Places to consider adding your pronouns

Work or school email signature

• Social media bios (Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, etc)

• Business cards

• “Hello my name is” tags at events or conferences

• Before you do a presentation (e.g., “Hi, my name is Thomas Edison, I use He/Him pronouns, and today I’m going to talk to you about this cool new invention of mine called the lightbulb”)

In sum, if everyone states their pronouns clearly from the start, not only does it reduce the chance that someone ends up being misgendered, but it also lightens the onus for those outside the binary. Inclusion happens slowly, and sometimes in the form of your Twitter bio.

Punching down vs. punching up humor 

Humor has long been used as a positive social tool, helping to bridge gaps between communities, share information, and understand the world. However, it has the potential to negative as well. Jokes at the expense of the LGBTQ community, which are often labeled reductively as “gay jokes,” can be funny. But they are often discriminatory and destructive, serving as a reproduction of oppressive social norms that have haunted the LGBTQ community for generations. Jokes at the expense of the LGBTQ community are just one example of the negative potential of humor, but this is connected to a larger struggle.

Collective liberation is the recognition that all of our struggles and identities are intimately connected, and that working together is necessary to create a better world. It is the belief that every person is worthy of dignity and respect and that, within systems of oppression, everyone suffers. What’s so funny about that? And what does it have to do with media, comedy, and non-LGBTQ people making a joke at the expense of the LGBTQ community? The answer is something that is often described as “punching down.”

The ideas of “punching down” and “punching up” are useful in understanding how to tell a joke about a vulnerable identity or community. The distinction between the two allows for a nuanced discussion about these kinds of jokes, rather than applying a blanket ethics of "good" or "bad" and calling it a day. As is often the case, the distinction comes down to social privilege. Jokes at someone’s expense can be funny-- this piece is not meant to be prescriptive. However, it is crucial to consider the context and consequences of a joke. Punching down might seem harmless, but it has far-reaching and dangerous implications. 

One popular framework that describes the ways that a joke that punches down can perpetuate discrimination is the discrimination pyramid. The discrimination pyramid is often used in the social sciences to describe the ways that attitudes create beliefs, which create verbal expressions of biases (including bigoted jokes), which eventually serve to further interpersonal and social experiences of violence and oppression. Punchlines don’t have to be at LGBTQ people’s expense in this way--they might be about LGBTQ people. Calling attention to the jacked up systems that keep LGBTQ people unequal can still be funny. While this might seem to have a lot to do with the content of the joke itself, it's also important to consider who is telling it.

Punching up can be understood as a subversive act by a vulnerable person in the face of violence and oppression. But the same joke told by someone who is not subject to the kind of oppression the joke references radically alters its meaning. Not everybody is the same, and we need to acknowledge that we all move through the world differently.

The bottom line is that it just isn’t all that funny to perpetuate systemic oppression. This statement isn't oppressing the cisgender or straight people of the world by asking them to take a second of their time to think about the consequences of their joke, and how their identity figures into those consequences. It’s lazy to do otherwise. Jokes that punch down are both a symptom and reproduction of kinds of oppression that do not apply to the person telling the joke.

The LGBTQ community is no stranger to people punching down at us. Trans women, for example, have been the butt of jokes in the cis, white dominated entertainment industry for as long as I can remember. Bisexual+ (bi, pansexual, fluid, queer, etc) people, also, are often the butt of jokes by both straight and gay people, contributing to a larger problem of exclusion and erasure that keeps bisexuals+ at higher risks for poor physical, emotional, and social health. Understanding the nuances of discrimination isn’t easy, but being mindful and open to criticism is a good starting point. 

Understanding punching up and punching down allows us to critique jokes that perpetuate discrimination, while also allowing room for jokes at the expense of those who would perpetuate oppression. LGBTQ people punching up takes back agency from their oppressors, furthering the possibility of a livable life for all vulnerable people due to our collective struggle.

Comedians, writers, and media professionals have a responsibility to acknowledge their position in relation to the subject of their content. Punching down doesn’t solve any problems, it just creates them. We can do better. I promise

queer experience

Cloud Atlas 

Matrix

27 years old, when I came out as nonbinary/trans but almost killed myself 

Fae

The prophecy was to be fulfilled there was to be a hero or a heroine. But instead it was someone gender free. Everyone believed fae was a freak and dangerous. They bullied, ignored or betrayed fae. They underestimated fae! 

Fae chose to channel this anger and pain into love and acceptance and strength for all the downtrodden. And forgave faer abusers. The ones who were prophesied to be saved really were magically transformed from this love just like fae had always imagined. Faer dream came true...but just as they say revenge leaves one empty, so did forgiveness. 

The powerlessness of what fae had gone through was the irony of faer's position. Fae didn't realize fae had wanted to forgive out of spite, to transmute anger because there was so much inside of faer. 

Fae was taught that, that anger was only a bad force. Never shown that boundaries are ok. Never taught how to have agency and autonomy. 

I don't want to just trust anyone. I want to be cautious of others. 

goals

Life goals

Work on art room, cleanse energy, finish commission, work on unfinished pieces, keep branching out, connect with other artists and the community. Find time to devote to the craft and growing and learning. 

Continue magical expression through connecting with fairies and making space with them. Playing with them. Laughter, fun, good energy. Stay emotionally clean. Witchcraft. Energy work. Energy cleaning and healing. 

Exercise, stretch, work on diet and health. Work on mental health, spiritual health. Relationship health. More balance, rest and play. Try to allow space for my own thoughts and time with myself. Don't over think things. It dishoners the truth of reality. Trust in your truth. 

Contact spiritual teachers like mark and charis 

Should I be talking to Tristan? Or Danyele? 

Non binary, what's next? 

Jaysen, what's next? 

story idea

Story about the beast, addiction and overcoming through beast. 

sync

Watching horror comedy. See lady who looks like she was in the office and right after I mentioned that she said, 'that's what she said.' 

sexual confusion

My dad left my mom because he wasn't willing to not explore BDSM. If she wasn't willing to try being a sub then it was a no.

Mom knew dad had growing up to do but she never tried to control him like his mother did. She also didn't want to be controlled by him. She just wanted to be equal. Sex was fun but she married him and wanted it time be about love...not power & control. She was gang raped when she was 9 years old. And raped several more times growing up. No one ever got in trouble. Things were kept hush hush back then. She even says sometimes she feels she gained is much weight so guys wouldn't be attracted to her so she could feel safe. 

This was my parents story. Growing up sex wasn't discussed not much except that I should be careful. Dad gave me the birds and bees talk which was moms job. 

I dreamed of falling in love and having sex because of love. Then everything changed when they told me his darkest fantasies at the age of nine. In some ways, I was violated. Too young to be OK. 

I heard things from men about what they wanted in a woman. Dad said the most beautiful thing in a woman is giving him full access to have sex with her anytime he wanted. So I told myself I'd always be willing to have sex. I heard a guy say he didn't like virgins so I wanted to be experienced. 

I had an ex who cheated on me with this black, skanky meth head and he said he wished I was more like her. That she was confident. 

My dad left my mom over his sexual desires, my ex cheated on me with some low life over his sexual desires. He told me women all have sex the same way & I was too selfish in bed. Brandon told me that women can't handle a man or stay present enough to handle a man. 

Apparently I was just like all the other girls, disposable. 

I wanted to fall in love. I wanted romance. I wanted sex to mean something. I didn't want it to be about just getting off. But I got everything so twisted up. 

my inner reality

Joker/misfits culture 

Bohemian, release of care

Body double, addiction monster

Inner council 

sync town

1/23/21 

I was playing Depeche Mode on the drive to Jaysen's apartment. 

Then when we were watching Weird Science we and depeche mode poster was in the background 

An Important Dream

I had a dream about speaking across space and time. A king who could speak to me through time. He said that we meet in every incarnation. Sometimes I'm the guy, sometimes he is the girl. But we always meet. We don't always like one another? I saw a lifetime where I tried to take a woman's baby and her younger son. Because I was supposed to be with them when they got older. She ended up shooting me in the head. 

But before that I showed the young boy a lighter made of wood. Told him it was special. 

I escaped a ship that a sea monster attacked. It was a story of great legend. 

The king told me of our love. That this lifetime was one about self love. But I told him I wanted this to be about interdependence. 

Then I dreamed of everyone who was learning the same thing in this lifetime...one about self love. It confused me...I thought of Charis & then I felt I was ascending another level. She mentioned I would ascend many levels. 

I began speaking to Sam and he told me he didn't believe it was simply about self love or me finding my true love. It was more, a lesson I was trying to teach myself. I saw that in some lifetimes I did terrible things. He was saying that was still there inside of me. 

jellie

Snuggling during or after sex is really important. Touch is part of my love language so being touched gently means a lot to me. 

Having someone gently brush their fingers over my skin. Things which awaken and tantalize the senses. I'm seeking more sensuality. More kissing, kiss my neck. 

FAM drama

A dream where I blamed it all on my FAM. 

We were in Montgomery & I was talking about how Dad & Sam kinda abandoned me to be with mom who relied on me emotionally. 

Sam returns to help mom but he ends up using her instead. Then he claims he won't leave her and will take care of her but goes to the capitol instead. Dad goes as well. Despite me warning dad against it. 

Dad relapsed several times this year. He was concerned about Sam getting sucked into staying here with mom but didn't care about me. I felt like it's always been on me to take care of the family. 

Now Sam wants to go off into the military like he originally planned & leave mom behind. 

I literally said I was in denial about it. 

art ideas

"I don't know" self portraits of inner council, egos and little deaths of expectations...scales falling away from eyes. Pandemic musings 

Down to the core of things. 

In my wishes for things to be different and not accepting life on life's terms...I was choosing to not accept myself on my own terms. Choosing not to embrace my primal nature. Not Ms. Hyde...but my soft animal. 

I wanted to create an Inquisition over my own landscapes. To cleanse it of dullness. 

Never enough 

When I step, I want to fly 

When I speak, I want to sing which brings others to their knees

I want to get inside your brain like a drug 

I've been trying to rip through the illusions, to see passed the mirrors. Why did I think I left the hall of mirrors? My inner landscapes. 

But I was given the gift of art 

bastet

You helped me unlock creativity and face what I needed to face by being able to relax and enjoy myself, let go. 

I see now that I truly am not Christian nor religious but I am Pagan & I don't think I believe in worship the same way religious people might. Worship is more like a partnership with a certain entity which has a power it offers which you want. 

I do believe in some Gods who are more like saints, they give endlessly with nothing in return but they are like endless wells. They help me through the long night a. 

sync town

January 2nd

Arcadia the god was mentioned &

then Jaysen showed me a record named Arcadia...a side project by Duran Duran

Workaholics

Jaysen showed me a record of strawberry shortcake & then someone was called a strawberry shortcake on workaholics 

Mr White from Creep show 

I had JUST mentioned the breaking bad scene