concerns

The ocean, pollutions 

Global Warming 

Clean Water 

World Hunger

Poverty

Bastet

By the way, one of the Goddesses I grew up studying as a witch was Bastet. I saw lots of icons like Catwoman, Queen of the Damned (Akasha was the vampire queen but from Egyptian times and fit the description of Basket. Those icons all formed this catlike woman in my mind. She reminded me of something feral inside of me that wanted to make itself known. That's the age when I was blossoming into having a strong sense of sexuality in regards to identity. 

Cats were always my friends growing up and by my side. 

But then I saw myself in them. I related the most to that character. 

A blank panther, I believed I would transform into a black panther. Why? 

The black panther was my sexuality. I wanted to transform into my wildish nature. A woman who isn't afraid to be her true self. 

Wild, free, 

Tarshock the Wolf, last life. I believed that my last life I was an animal. 

Believe in past lives

Bastet

White Buffalo Calf Lady 

Healing 

Sex magic

Sex connwxtion with spirits

The magic is in the body. I connect with spirit through my body. Spirit lives in my body

White Buffalo Calf Lady 

Basket

Freya

Yemaya

Athena 

Nyx

Isis

Gaia

Morrigan 

Medusa 

Lilith 

Kali

Kuan Yin 

The Triple Goddess 

Hades 

Ra 

Hades

Ganesha 

Buddha

Jesus Christ

Murugan 

Sanat Kumara 

Horus

Arcadia 

Poseidon

Veles 

The Horned God, Cernunnos & Pan 

My pain doesn't make me special. 

I'm unfocused 

I am confused 

My pain doesn't make me special, it makes me wise. I am a wise woman. A wild, wise woman. The shamans of old. To be a wild woman, you must know pain. The undertaking of pain is brutal. It gives you a hardened look. A warrior of the heart. 

Baby, in the future if I'm high and you don't like the way I'm acting will you just come up to me & say, honey, you're not acting like yourself. Why don't we do some grounding? Then I'll snap out of it. 

It's not just a recreational drug, it is also used by shamans. They use it to soothsay. Granted I wasn't soothsaying the other night, I was melting down. But, in the past I've had a desire to use it for those purposes. 

I'm a healer, a magician

A soothsayer 

To help Jaysen see the real you

Show him Sensitive, a documentary 

HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON

explain shamanism, energy work and the modern shaman. Explain their heritage 

Read to him the Women Who Run With Wolves 

Our temple is the body, it is not to escape the body with the mind. We return to the body and love it true. 

We do not worship others, we are more empowered than that. We send love to all situations. 

jellie

I need to talk to Jaysen about setting boundaries with Cesar 

I need to talk to Jaysen about being able to set boundaries with Gabriella. 

Also, how not to make him uncomfortable with 'talks'. 

ideas

Maybe I want to be a therapist or a teacher. It might help me stop analyzing mine so much. 

Be of service. 

Deal with someone or something when it happens. 

Desires in jellies, 

More touch, greater affection & compliments 

Undivided attention? This helps to grow intimacy and connection. Developing greater intimacy. 

How do I ask for what I want without it being a criticism? 

Does Jaysen not want to hear what I have to say? I think he just has good boundaries 

I question whether or not he still likes me, thinks I'm pretty, wants to have sex with me, is attracted to me. He mentions weight a lot and peoples appearance so it makes me self conscious. 

He doesn't compliment me as much. 

Is it insecurity? 

Touch Starved

Sex has been a place for me to have physical touch. That's why it helped me so much when I received touch that was gentle (Cesar). My libido prefers crazy and hard. But my heart desires soft and gentle. 

I want physical touch from other avenues. From friends, family, everything. I get that from family. I am touch starved. 

Beauty, it is everything to me. I rarely find others who feel the same way in the way that I do. Charis was the closest but not as sad. Towanda is closer with sadness but too sad. Mom is the absolute closest but she is more grounded than I am. Parker, yes, parker was perfect. Pure magic when I was with him. His presence was freedom. Maverick, same thing. 

Kindness, it's so hard to find those who truly believe in this as men. And I am not drawn to it in a man. Or I have yet to find one who is truly kind. 

vulnerable rose garden

Mother gave me the gift which I was seeking from a best friend or a lover. I believed that I must find someone to believe me, to truly see me and my story, to love me as I am, to be my truest friend. I wanted this to be my lover or my best friend...preferably both. 

But it was my mother. My mother gave me the love which I needed. She gave me the greatest gift. It started off as an experiment. I would offer her the golden sun. She accepted the gift. Maybe she had already chosen the Golden Light. Maybe she had already manifested it for herself. She created it inside of me. HOPE. LOVE IS THE ANSWER. 

Go bravely my child, there is an ocean of possibility. The pain which my mother felt...she understood far too greatly and this was what she saw in your eyes. 

Kirene, Emily, Samuel. They hurt you, they turned away. I was alone but she found me. The movies and songs were wrong. I found love where I least expected it. 

The loneliness that I have felt is that many do not know how to listen because it is a sacrifice. It's rose that must be watered or it will not bloom. Jaysen must be able to water that rose for me to be able to bloom with him. I still don't feel he truly sees me or believes in me. Maybe he doesn't know how to. But I cannot move forward until I do. I have seen him, he is simple. It's not hard to understand him. It is hard to understand me. I'm not your typical 27 year old. 

I can forgive them. I can let them go. But I need someone who waters my gardens and knows what is truly important to me. I must be willing to be truly vulnerable. 

Only those who want what you want will get it.