vulnerable rose garden

Mother gave me the gift which I was seeking from a best friend or a lover. I believed that I must find someone to believe me, to truly see me and my story, to love me as I am, to be my truest friend. I wanted this to be my lover or my best friend...preferably both. 

But it was my mother. My mother gave me the love which I needed. She gave me the greatest gift. It started off as an experiment. I would offer her the golden sun. She accepted the gift. Maybe she had already chosen the Golden Light. Maybe she had already manifested it for herself. She created it inside of me. HOPE. LOVE IS THE ANSWER. 

Go bravely my child, there is an ocean of possibility. The pain which my mother felt...she understood far too greatly and this was what she saw in your eyes. 

Kirene, Emily, Samuel. They hurt you, they turned away. I was alone but she found me. The movies and songs were wrong. I found love where I least expected it. 

The loneliness that I have felt is that many do not know how to listen because it is a sacrifice. It's rose that must be watered or it will not bloom. Jaysen must be able to water that rose for me to be able to bloom with him. I still don't feel he truly sees me or believes in me. Maybe he doesn't know how to. But I cannot move forward until I do. I have seen him, he is simple. It's not hard to understand him. It is hard to understand me. I'm not your typical 27 year old. 

I can forgive them. I can let them go. But I need someone who waters my gardens and knows what is truly important to me. I must be willing to be truly vulnerable. 

Only those who want what you want will get it.