So before I came over to your house last Saturday. Sam was laying on the couch being lazy as usual & I made a joking comment about it. Well, he goes off on me. Starts criticizing everything about me & says I'm projecting onto him. I bring up that maybe he would feel better about himself if he was getting his shit together. When I turned 18 he stopped talking to me for 3 years because of my mental breakdown. He didn't like how happy I was & thought I was delusional. I was happy because I survived a mental breakdown and proud of myself. My brother promised me when we were little he'd always be by my side. We pinky promised. It was the one thing that never broke even when my family fell apart. We still had each other. That's all I ever really cared about. That I had friends to play with, people who loved me and who I could trust close to me. I didn't have to change the world, the world seemed OK the way it was. 

But Samuel always wanted to. He would make up worlds so I believed in them. He'd pretend to be things he wasn't. He never was quite comfortable living here in this world. It didn't understand such a sensitive boy.

I like girls too. Sometimes I do things because I have a crush on them and not because it's the right thing to do. 

I suppress those feelings of gayness because I am 

I am connected to faeries and I am one. I identify myself as one.  

Explain how I got there spiritually